I ger critised for it being clumsy and not flowing
This is from my essay on a beauty and aromatherapy course
“May possibly look at the use of complementary practises as they have been shown to be beneficial in assisting the reduction of stress students from the local college have expressed an interest in practising aromatherapy massage on volunteers to gain experience for themselves surely this is a win win scenario and such co ordination would come with in the remit of the post. Complementary alternative therapies are rarely regarded as having a role in therapeutic healthcare environments but, as people become exposed to them, they may regard them as beneficial to their wellbeing and so on are resulting in increased health ” This is part of a 2500 word essay
Please can I have help in writing style

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