Comments on: Verbal Abuse Boyfriend Anger Problem I Love Him Help Me

By: DJ

DJ — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 23:13:24 +0000

I’ve seen this too many times and have even experienced it to some degree myself. I know what I’m talking about when I advise you to get out of this relationship. The guy has anger issues and there is no way you can help him. In his eyes, you will never be thin enough, pretty enough, good enough, competent enough, rich enough, educated enough, etc. You will be blamed for all that goes wrong, but somehow he’ll twist things around to make it appear he is the one being victimized. As a result, you’ll feel guilty and hurt, and you’ll bust your backside to trying to keep things on an even keel and to make the relationship work.
Sticking by him, supporting him and tolerating his behavior (or trying to fix it) doesn’t prove your love for him. It only enables the behavior to continue. Relationships are not supposed to be this way, and you deserve better. It is IMPERATIVE that you believe that.
You cannot fix this because you are not the problem. Trying to will be a total waste of time, effort and energy, and you will be emotionally exhausted jumping through all the hoops. Admit to yourself now that the relationship is not going to work and move on. Please, for your personal safety and sanity, get out and MOVE ON!
Good luck…

By: Michelle Hunt

Michelle Hunt — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 23:13:24 +0000

What the hell? Why is it women will stay with the biggest douchebags? This is even worse, the guy is OBVIOUSLY mentally unstable, he will likely end up hitting you or even KILLING you. Jesus you’re the type who makes the rest of us women look like retards.
DROP THE ZERO HUNNY! YALL NEEDS YOUSELF A HERO!

By: sr_wyatt

sr_wyatt — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 23:13:24 +0000

Hi. I’m going through something similar. It’s very confusing. My situation has slowly been escalating. This man does the whole thing – we argue, he gets frustrated and starts raging like a maniac, then he stops and acts like nothing just happened. He thinks he can curse at me and call me names and then I’m just supposed to forget about it and have sex with him. It’s pretty twisted. He has said several times that he wants to change, but it is very difficult to change and he hasn’t taken any steps to do so. We are engaged, but there is no way I am going to marry this man. I’m going to move out and get away. No one deserves to be treated that way. It’s degrading and totally unacceptable for both people. I agree that you should not tolerate the situation, but you have to be smart about how you get away and protect yourself. It’s so painful because I was so happy to be with him, and now it’s ruined. That’s hard to take, but there are more men out there who will treat you like a queen…and it’s better to be alone and safe than to be scared in your own home. I hope things work out for you. Good luck.

By: cristy v

cristy v — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 23:13:24 +0000

PLEASE MOVE OUT IMMEDIATELY! If you can’t afford it, call your parents, other relatives who care, or a friend and ask them if you can stay with them until you are financially able to move out on your own or you find a DECENT room mate. How old is your boyfriend? If under the age of 30, that may be the problem, in addition to having anger issues, and maybe other emotional issues that you may not know about. PLEASE get out before you end up having kids. If you have kids, you will be stuck with the guy for a whille at least. THEN your kids will be stuck with him. You will ALWAYS be connected to him if you have kids!!!! I had a boyfriend like this. I put up with it for a while, then one morning at 5:30am when he was getting ready for his new job, and started acting like an ******, because he had to get up and I didn’t , I left when he was at work. This was after about 5 months of observing bad qualities similar to the ones you describe. ALso, your boyfriend has control issues. The putting you down stuff, the jealousness, is all because he is trying to beat you down and make you feel bad about yourself. He is trying to make you think YOU are wrong, when HE is. Next time he asks you to rub his back when you have CTS, or just DONT feel like it. Tell him not right now, I am sorry, I am tired.. or hurting..etc. IF he continues to badger you, tell him if he says it again you are going to go sleep in another room. Then go do it! Keep your chin up. Keep your confidence up. Speak your mind, and tell him (nicely) that you WILL not tolerate this B.S anymore. PERIOD or you are leaving……gone buh-bye

By: Elysa

Elysa — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 23:13:24 +0000

people change. sometime they change for good and sometime they change for bad. if you’re still in the relationship with that man…I think he will be physically abusive man later when you marry him and have kids. think about it. you should have a calm honest discussion with him instead of asking strangers in Y!A for help. maybe he didn’t realize that his anger upsets you…he can’t read your mind, you have express your feeling to him. Boyfriends and Girlfriends aren’t only for enjoying the kiss and sex. they should help each other developing a better life.
Good Luck

By: patrick d

patrick d — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 23:13:23 +0000

Sit him down and say if this happens again, you are gone and stick to it. Tell him it’s not a threat or promise, that life is too short for verbal abuse and that if he wants to be with you it will come to a grinding halt or your done.

By: Alexis B

Alexis B — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 23:13:22 +0000

What do you consider more important; your safety or your lovelife?

By: jub_jub1

jub_jub1 — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 23:13:22 +0000

leave him it is not worth what you are going through. He is not acting like he loves you. The abuse can turn physcal you need to show him you won’t put up with it.

By: redwings

redwings — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 23:13:22 +0000

Okay… I know you say that he isnt the abusive type that he wouldnt hit you, but you never know. I have a friend that is going through the same thing as you.. and all of us have tried to get her to leave him, she wouldnt, she loved him, finally it got worse and he was drunk and hit her. She blew it off.. and then eventually it happened again. Finally she got the point is moving out and moving on with her life.. if started off just like this, and she said he never meant it and that he would never hit anyone and doesnt get into fights.. but the longer the relationship goes on, the worse its going to get… believe me. You just describe my friends situation perfectly… so i hope you listen the first time and move on, if you cant afford getting him help he isnt going to change and thinks are going to get worse.. there is nothing you can. you have told him your feelings before and nothing changed.. what makes you think they will ever… So i hope you get out while you can.. its gonna hurt but you have too..

By: Monkey

Monkey — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 23:13:22 +0000

He doesn’t respect you. If he did, he would treat you better, and wouldn’t call you names. If he really loves you, wouldn’t he be more careful not to lose you? Ask yourself this question: Does he make you happy? From what you wrote, it sounds like he causes you more confusion than happiness. If he loves you, he’d make you happy.
Good luck.