my husband and i are living together but we are emotionally separated, if that is a term.
we have had an awful time where i had postnatal depression, then i started a full time senior management job while our 2 children were young toddlers. he went through a midlife crisis. we were both suffering stress and pressure of every day living. he then had an affair that lasted 9 months (most of that he was living with her). that affair is over, and he is living with me again since early August.
I am 8 weeks pregnant (to him) and he doesn’t want the baby. I do. We had planned to travel to the UK for christmas to see his family, and his parents are paying. but now he is saying he’d rather take the kids without me.
I know i wil get lots of backlash from his family, its hard to say no if they are paying.
I am freaking out, the longest we hav ever been apart is 2 nights.
how do i say no so they’ll all accept it without me being the big bad ***** ruining their christmas?
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Should I Let My Husand Take Our Children Overseas For Christmas Without Me For One Month?20 comments to Should I Let My Husand Take Our Children Overseas For Christmas Without Me For One Month? |
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Ok, this is a really tough one, because I myself, although Ive been seperated from my ex for over 4yrs, and have only one child a 6yr old, Ive taken our son on two vacations neither lasting more then 10 ten days, one of which we were out of the country, but I was in contact with his father every other day to let him know how our son was and so they could chat, we were already apart a few years.
The fact that his family is wanting to see all of you, and that they are paying, would really make me want to go, could it help the relationship or strain it more.
Im not sure I could let my husband while we were not on very good standings take my children across the ocean to another country and be comfortable with it.
But thats me, my other thought is that the holidays are meant for families, why not tough it out and go with him, speak to him nicely about your feeling and how you are not happy about being alone without the children for the holidays and that you think it might be good for all of you to get away together.
You will have to be open and honest with him, and if you are trying to salvage your marriage he needs to be working at it too.
I cant imagine how difficult it is to figure this out, but I would be putting my foot down about going and not letting him take the kids alone, he also needs to know that there is alot of paperwork that needs to be done if he travels alone with the kids even if they have passports, he will need notarized documents stating you are allowing him to take the kids for a certain period of time, with the itinerary. I have had to show documents when traveling out of the country with my son because his father was not with us.
good luck with your decision.
u should check the laws first. make sure he cant keep them there and never bring them back. i wouldnt do it.how do u know he even plans on coming back hisself? if hes up to anything u will never know .
This is going to sound horrible, but why would you want another kid and he has clearly told you he does not want anymore? Sounds to me as if your marriage is close to ending and have another child? A single mom to 3 children? I agree that your children should not be away from you for such a long period of time. Why can’t they come to your home for the month? They obviously can afford the trip considering they have the money to pay for 4 people.
I wouldn’t allow it
the question is will he bring them back?
Well, you’re still married and legally, he has the right to take the kids to the UK. He is their father, whether you like it or not and regardless of the rights and wrongs that occured during the relationship, you cannot suddenly tell him what to do and what not to do with your joint children.
Quite frankly, I would fly over whether he likes it or not. At least you will have control over what happens. If you stay here and let the kids fly, you’ll worry yourself sick and you have no right not to let them fly with their dad. So get over the grandparents and fly. If they feel that you’re ruining their christmas, so what. If he doesn’t like it, tough. His parents offered to pay and you’re still the wife and mother, so go!!
It’ll be an exercise in restraint, but if you’re in senior management, that shouldn’t be an issue for you.
wow……How could a guy be so..so mean….
I wouldn’t let them go unless you go too. You are under no legal obligation to let them go, and if you have reason to suspect that they are unsafe with him in any capacity, then I’d just say no.
I would go anyway, especially if his family want you to come. he is being very selfish to expect you to spend christmas away from your babies.
besides that, everyone is right. your inlaws are paying, how do you get the kids back if he decides not to return?? it happens all the time and the US Gov’t will not help you
Why will you backlash from his family as it was him who had the affair??
You are pregnant to him again so you must have sorted some things out between you. And not being nasty but it took both of you to get into that situation so why is he not wanting the child.
You do not say if you are from the UK or not but if you are why not go back with them paying and then go and see your friends and family and let him spend his time with his folks if you dont want to be there
Sorry you are having such a hard time Good luck with whatever you decide to do
Staceyxxx
just go with him. he might be planning to take the kids away from you, and if your in the usa and he’s got the kids overseas, IT WILL BE HELL TO GET THEM BACK. MAYBE EVEN YEARS. DON’T LET IT HAPPEN b/c I WOULDN’T EVEN TAKE THAT CHANCE. and what is his reason for not wanting you to go? has he said? think about it. what else could it be? and if you really don’t want to go then JUST SAY NO. no matter what any of them might think of you or say to you. witch would be better, having them mad at you or taking a chance of maybe losing your children? THINK ABOUT LONG AND HARD. good luck.
Absolutely NOT. Doesn’t matter what the inlaws say. Who cares about the backlash. You need to be with your children. The fact he doesn’t want the baby shows what a miserable b$%&ard he is. You won’t be ruining their Chistmas. Good luck.
I wouldn’t. I would be scared to let mine go for a month with out me. Maybe you could trying to explain that you know they would be well taken care of but as their mother you can not be away from you babys on a holiday that means so much to you.
please be carefull !! with the problems you guys are having, i’m afraid he would take the kids and not return, i don’t want to stress you more than you are, but it is something you need to consider. tell him you could not take the separation. praying for a good outcome. take care!!
Unless there is a problem with your pregnancy, there is no reason you should have to be away from your children for the holiday. Plus, your relationship is to fragile at this point. He has only been back since August, so trust is got to be an issue.
Either you go with him, or they stay. It will be HIS fault and he can face his family if he refuses to have you join the family.
A big concern. If he takes the kids out of the country, to his homeland, then what recourse would you have if he then refused to return them? As their legal parent, he doesn’t have to return them. It will take a long time, lots of court battles and cost lots of money to fight to get them back.
If I were in your shoes, I would either insist on accompanying them, or tell him he is not taking the children overseas! Reality check here………he doesn’t want the unborn baby you both created, and your marriage is in ruins…Looks to me like he’s only sticking around for your two children, and you might not see him or them again if he takes them overseas!!..Fighting a custody battle in the UK could well be your new year gift if you are not careful…
If you agree to let them out of the country and he wants to be a prick, have fun getting them back.
I’d go with him.
how about he brings one and you keep the other
He’s not coming back. You know that. Don’t you watch lifetime.
I have custody of my 6 years old daughter, I’ve been there. I would not ever ever let him take the children away. What if he stays there with their family and the kids? I don’t understand how he couldn’t want the other baby. Take care of you, your unborn baby and your children. He is being selfish and not thinking of you. Leave him!