I have been married for a little over two years. It was a short relationship before we got pregnant and bought a house together. Not too long before my daughters were born he started having severe anger issues and started abusing our dog and cat.
When the girls were born he was so horrible to them that I couldn’t trust him with them and I had to be the one to get up and take care of them 100% of the time. When I was afraid of him hurting them to the point that I couldn’t leave them alone with him I called my FIL for help. He justified the behavior, that my husband was under stress, etc.
Two years later, after promises to go to anger management and counseling that never happened (only agreed to after I told him I would divorce him if he didn’t) he is still abusive to our animals and our kids.
I can’t be with someone who is like this and I don’t want my kids growing up in that kind of household.
1. Should I suggest a trial separation for him to miss what he has or just tell him I’m done?
2. I plan on telling him that his anger issues and abusive behavior are the reasons for the split. Should I suggest he go to anger management or let him decide that on his own?
The first step in fixing a problem is acknowledging you have one. He doesn’t have a problem, I’m just over sensitive because I grew up in an abusive home.
Opinions please.
(btw, I meant the vows I took when I married him but no where in those vows did I promise to obey, be subservient, agree with everything he does or tolerate abusive behavior. When I became a mother I took on the biological vow to keep my children safe. I am the only one that can stand up for my kids and that comes before any promises I made – before God or not).
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I Need Some Opinions On My Situation?11 comments to I Need Some Opinions On My Situation? |
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You sound like a very articulate, sensitive woman that wants her marriage to continue without the anger and abuse. If he has not changed and refuses to go to counseling, he never will. He needs to admit to his problems and you need to protect your children as well as your animals who are all defenseless. You have given him every opportunity to turn this anger around and yet he refuses. You know what the answer is, leave, divorce, it is the only solution available to you. You will also have to get a court order to be present when he visits your children under the circumstances. I would never, never trust him to be alone with the children. I feel for you but you need to step up to the plate and move on. Be realistic and take care of you and your!
i would go back to my parents and file for divorce, ask for full custody and be done with him. if u don;t want to leave the home u could file a restraining order, but what stops u from calling the police when he gets abusive? if u did that at least u would have some proof of the abuse when u go for the restraining order and divorce.
hes a monster. but he is their biological father, take him to court. force anger managment on him as well as counseling.
threathen him with divorce if u have to, dont show him any kindness until he takes the courses. show him u mean it.
because he can do worse and will if u dont stop him
Leave him. Divorce him. You and your daughters deserve better.
You should try to be indepedent.
divorce
you and your kids deserve better and to live somewhere with someone that makes you feel safe
You go to a shelter for abused women, you can lose your kids if he abuses them and you don’t take steps to end it. THE MOST DANGEROUS TIME IS WHEN YOU TELL AN ABUSER YOU ARE LEAVING.
Telling an abusive man that he is to blame is like pouring gas on a fire, you don’t want to be there or do that. Did you know that men who abuse animals then progress to abusing kids, wives and may end up killing them.
No one takes vows to be a punching bag.
I think your husband is depressed over loosing his freedom and is taking it out on your children and pets. I also believe that you will not be spared his madness, for your and your children sake get out of this situation. He is seeing your pets and your children as competition for your attention. I don’t think that any god will hold you to your wedding vows when the children are threatened.
You recognize you are in an abusive home because you are in one, I doubt seriously that it’s your imagination.
you can just pick up and go!his behaviour will reflect negatively during a divorce and do you care as you said it is about keeping your daughters safe.If you do not protect them from him and he injures them who do you think will be on trial with him YOU!
There are shelters you can go to and your pets can go a dog and cats home you are making excuses.
you are crazy!
your options are stupid you only have one option.
time for talking is over you need action!
you can not talk to a mad man so why even try,you are not dealing with a rational person. why would you talk to him about leaving.Haven’t you heard about men who kill their families when the wife says she is going to leave!
You need to leave and don’t tell him first. he could hurt you or the kids. Just get away from him.
If he is in the military you need to go talk to his commanding officer. He will help you by seeing that the violence stops. And the husband will get the counseling he needs.
This is the way it is done in the military.
You should never be unhappy and if you think your daughter will spend a DAY unhappy and afraid of her father, then start saving and making arrangements get a divorce. he won’t change, stress or no stress. Don’t you want to wake up and not have fear of another “episode”.
He’s not happy, maybe he should be miserable by hisself. Sometimes you need to help yourself, counseling doesn’t work for everyone.