I am currently 31 weeks pregnant with my third child (a girl…I have a 3 year old boy and a 1 year old boy, also). Well my husband has been unemployed since September of 2009 and hasn’t tried to get another job. I am currently a teacher in MS, so you KNOW I don’t make enough money to take care of a family of 4 effectively. We just bought a house and have bills on top of bills. Yet he refuses to get a job…he says that he is saving me money on daycare by staying home and taking care of the kids. He is satisfied with the unemployment check that he gets every month.
As of December 14, 2009, I am on bedrest now due to complications. Not to mention undue stress and fatigue from continuing to take care of the family. It was like I was working two jobs when I was teaching. Now I feel like I still have a full time job because when my husband gets mad he will refuse to help out around the house with the kids or things that need to be done.
He is verbally abusive and refuses to listen to me when I complain. He always interrupts my sentences and tries (and succeeds) to confuse me when we argue. In the past he has been physically abusive but he went to anger management to get help with that…yet I feel like he still needs to be there because even though he isn’t hitting me his words and lack of “husband” help hurt just as bad.
How do I deal with this situation. The baby will be here any minute now…plus I just bought this house and don’t want to lose it.
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How Would You Deal With This?10 comments to How Would You Deal With This? |
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I understand the position that you are in, and I really think that it would probably be best for you to leave, but I understand that you love him and want to make the marriage work if at all possible.
I know that you are feeling trapped, but, in reality, you do have plenty of options available to you. I am guessing that since your husband is controlling, he would refuse to leave even if you asked him to. So, I would suggest that you call on your mom and or your sisters or your close friends to come over and help you through this difficult time. If you are on bed rest you and I both know that your husband’s “strikes” are putting the health and safety of both you and your daughter at risk. Explain to your husband that you will enlist the help of others if he refuses to help, and he might just decide that it is easier to do his share than to put up with others in and out of the house all the time.
Once your daughter is born, consult with a good divorce attorney as soon as you are back up on your feet again if things do not improve. (I would wait for a few months after the birth of the child to make any long term decisions.) Keep your extended family close at hand to “protect” you from his abuse during this time, too.
I wish you all the luck in the word, and I wish you peace and love in the new year, and the birth of a healthy new daughter.
I think you can figure the answer out to this one yourself just by asking you know what is right
I am in the playpen with mildred come crawl in with us
Kick the free loading bum out the door.
Your husband is a deadbeat.
You KNEW after the second child you couldn’t afford more children. Why in the world didn’t an Intelligent teacher know to get on the birth control pill??? Why?
You buy a house KNOWING you can’t afford it.
You married a guy who abuses you verbally>> and I am sure he didn’t just start this. You know he was this way.
So this ridiculous mess your in is all your fault. No sympathy from me.<
It always difficult when kids involve but woman do not think twice LEAVE HIM, they never change, specially for people like him(sorry), he is savage, he doesn’t care about the kids cause if he does he will provide for them not by babysitting them cause that his job, you are educated, your life will be easier without him, don’t think about the little help he give with the kids when things go his way, you will get help God will provide, he is abusing you emotionally so that going to stop you from being happy, you won’t be able to make your kids happy, move on.
Contact a shelter for abused women and explain that he is physically and mentally abusive and you are terrified for your welfare and that of your children. Then have the police protect you. You can only cope with so much, and if he is abusive to you, God knows what is happening to your children when you are not around. Stay in the moment and do whatever you can to get him out, then move in your mother and change the locks.
If he’s not willing to change or help himself, then you can’t help him. I don’t think the anger management helped. He obviously didn’t change at all; he just went from one kind of abuse and controlling behavior to another. Also, if he’s been physically abusive in the past, this verbal abuse could be a warning that he’s about to start getting physical again. How does he treat the kids when you’re not around to watch him?
I understand about not wanting to lose the house, but it sounds like you’re losing your health, your sanity, and just about everything else. Are your parents or family nearby? You can either kick him out (and keep the house), or gather up the kids and move in with family for a while. I get the impression that kicking him out without support will be difficult, plus there’s that physically abusive background to consider. Talk to a counselor who’s dealt with domestic abuse on what the best way is to proceed.
Good luck. I’m sorry about the whole situation
you deserve so much better, threaten him, and say your going to get a divorce, tell him that things aren’t gonna work out if he’s going to continue what he’s doing. wait, here’s another option, get the kids, and take all your stuff then go to your parents house, if that’s out of town, then act like your going to leave him, if he really cared he’d get back on his feet, but if he doesn’t then you know what an asshole he is. gosh this frustrates me, you are the mother of his children he shouldn’t treat you like that! it just shows how unappreciative he’s being!