My husband and I were both laid off from our jobs recently, and the task of managing our now dwindling finances has fallen to me. Though he has always made more than me, I have usually been the one in charge of paying the bills, managing our incoming and outgoing expenses, etc. It seems to work okay, because I stress less about money than him so I can handle it when things are a little tight. Lately, though, I feel more like a dictator or mother handing her child an allowance than like a partner. He is constantly asking me “Can I buy this, can I have that?”. He’s doing it to be considerate because he knows I have everything pretty much managed to the penny right now with us both not working, but it just feels like we aren’t on an equal level and I don’t like this role. It’s also sort of zapped the romance, because if he wants to plan a date or pick up some little gift or something for me, he is coming to me first to ask me how much money he can spend. I don’t think he has even looked at his bank account in two months, and he doesn’t keep track of when he is supposed to file for his unemployment payments every couple weeks, etc. I am having to remind him constantly and I just feel like a dictator.
How do couples out there manage their finances? I know a lot of women who are the ones to manage the household income rather than the man doing it, but I grew up in a household where my dad was in charge of all money and mom just really didn’t pay attention. I like knowing what is going on with the money, but I don’t like the roles my hubby and I seem to be in with it and I am wondering what most couples are doing these days…??
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How Do Most Couples Divide The Management Of Their Finances? Hubby Or Wife?10 comments to How Do Most Couples Divide The Management Of Their Finances? Hubby Or Wife? |
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Hi Mackie,
Nobody said it would be easy. It is best for you to handle the finances cause you will do exactly what needs to be done and get it right. There may never be a chance that you would end up on the street, but the point I’m making is you would want to know up front and not find out when the sheriff is knocking on the door. Some men are irresponsilbe and can’t handle the pressure. You know moms can make a meal out of something and it could have been served yesterday, but no one would even know it looking at the food on the table today. I applaud your hubby for coming to you asking if he can buy what ever it is. He could go to the store and buy a something and not mention it or use too much money and then you would really be stressing cause he did that and didn’t give a thought about you or anything else. It appears you have everything under control so all he has to do is make sure he calls for his unemployment payments. This money is for you too so cirlce on the calendar each week that he is to call and show him where the clendar is. Don’t cut off your nose to spite your face. There are many couples that are in the same boat as you, but the situation is stressful because there is no cooperation from one or the other. When you are the supervisor everyone has to come to you. You are the supervisor at this point. I take my hat off to you for being a strong woman and keep the family a float. So float on.
Im a 20 year old punk, who is engaged to be married in July, talk to him about this, tell him you want him to help with the load. your welcome for this awesome advice.
I pay the mortgage, he pays everything else (which equals about the mortgage. We each pay for small things we want with our own money. We never put our accounts together. It seems to work well for us.
My wife is a accountant so I let her manage our finances. But we both sit down every month and look the situation over.
In my situation, I’m a stay-at-home spouse – I haven’t worked outside the home in several years – and my husband is the sole provider, so I’m responsible for the running of the house and management of our schedules and finances. So, basically, he goes to work and I do everything else – it’s a very clear division of labor, although since I got pregnant he’s helped out with a lot around the house, laundry, cleaning, etc.. But we’ve maintained our roles in respect to finances and scheduling because if only one person is paying bills, it is a lot less confusing and there’s less of a chance of something being double paid or forgotten. We have 3 accounts, 1 for bills, 1 savings, and 1 spending and when he gets paid, I divide the money accordingly and at the end of the month whatever is left in the spending account gets shifted into savings. Also, I put almost all our bills on autopay, so they just get withdrawn automatically from the bills account. The only time we feel the need to talk about money is when we’re going to make a large purchase (over $1,000).
We run things about the same as Invisible Pink Unicorn. 2/3 of our paychecks goes into our Joint and Mortgage accounts, and the rest goes into our Personal Spending accounts. If my husband wants to know “can I buy this, can I have that?” then it’s up to him to save up the money in his personal spending account. That works well for us so we don’t have to get mad at each other for “wasting money” on what we may consider to be “foolish” things.
I’m basically in charge of our Joint Account finances and keeping an eye on the accounts.
Whoever is best at handling the finances should be the one doing it. Sometimes it’s the husband and sometimes it’s the wife. If you’re both equally good at handling money, you could split up the bills, I guess.
Anyway, we handle the whole spending issue by having a fixed allotment for spending, like setting aside $20 or $30 in cash per paycheck per person for spending money…. If you want to get something that costs more than that, then you’ll have to save your money for a month or more. That’s the way we handle it.
We have 3 accounts -
Our joint account is the “household” account – we both contribute to this account 50/50 and its to be used solely for mortgage, house insurance, food, utilities etc..
Whatever is left over goes into our respective accounts – from those accounts we each pay our own gas for the week, monthly cell phone bills etc..
When that money is gone – its gone there’s no going to the other person unless its a dire emergency
I learned long time ago that its not a smart idea to “mix” money -
I do it because my husband works a lot more hours than me. We both have a weekly ‘allowance’ and there are no rules or strings attached to it.
I’ve learned that if we pay for things with CASH we’re more likely to keep our spending under control. We’re not as likely to spend money on things we don’t really need and it keeps us within our budget. Works really well for us.
I love that my husband manages our money. I thought it would be really hard for me as I was very used to being in charge of my money and paying all the bills etc. But really, it has not been an issue. I am comfortable to go out and spend what I want with in reason and have gotten over feeling like I have to ask. I mean, I am not going to ask when I am contributing $2500 a month to our total.
I dunno, it took me abotu 3 months, though to adjust mentally to the “it’s not just my money” attitude.
I could readily at any time step into the role of paying all the bills, but he likes to do it and I know it helps him to feel like he is taking care of me, which he is.