A CRISIS OBAMA WON’T WASTE
By DICK MORRIS
Published on TheHill.com on April 7, 2009
This economic crisis is too useful for Obama to want it to end. When Rahm Emanuel — and later Hillary Clinton — spoke of never letting a good crisis “go to waste,” many people were shocked. But now Obama seems to embody the corollary: that the crisis should continue until he has thoroughly milked it to reshape American politics, society and the economy. Like Faust, he seems to wish that this “given moment” will “endure forever.” Unlike Faust, however, he will not lose his “life and soul” to such a wish. He’ll sacrifice ours instead.
First came the “stimulus package.” With only about $185 billion of its $800 billion in spending to be spent in 2009, Obama clearly never intended the spending to be about stimulus but wanted the need for a stimulus to trigger the spending he wanted anyway.
Then came the Troubled Asset Relief Program (TARP) funding, often forced down banks’ throats. Now comes word that even as banks want to return the money, the Treasury is making them keep it. One source at a TARP bank reports that Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner is insisting that banks go through their “stress test” before refunding the TARP money. As Stuart Varney speculates, in The Wall Street Journal, Obama wants the banks to keep the money so he can enforce his regulations on them.
Now comes Geithner’s plea for extra regulatory powers and Obama’s concession to global economic regulation at the G-20 summit. Both moves are game-changers for any major American business. Geithner wants the power to take over any business — presumably in any field — whose failure would imperil the national economy. Today it’s banks, brokerage houses, car companies and insurance firms. Tomorrow? Who knows?
And Obama agreed to agree on international “high standards” for the regulation of all “systemically important” companies to be promulgated by the new global Financial Stability Board (FSB). The United States, occupying one of 20 chairs on the FSB board (21 if we count the EU), will come to a consensus with other central bankers from the G-20 nations on what these regulations should say. Then the Securities and Exchange Commission, the Federal Reserve and the other regulatory arms of the U.S. government will impose them on our economy.
(Some have objected that Congress needs to be consulted, but as long as the agreements are “voluntary” and the U.S. agencies are merely “asked” to impose the regulations, no further grant of congressional authority is needed. But, of course, there will be nothing voluntary about the administration’s demand that the agencies implement the coming FSB directives, no matter how intrusive they may be.)
And, finally, there is Obama’s delegation of a total overhaul of the tax code to a commission headed by Paul Volcker with a mandate to report back in December of this year.
So with the tax code totally changing, Europe about to formulate regulations for our economy, the U.S. government empowered to take over any large company, the deficit and spending reaching unbelievable levels and the feds insisting on continued control of banks, what businessman in his right mind is going to invest in anything? How could even the most foolish optimist pull the trigger on a business investment without knowing the tax consequences, the regulatory framework and the policy of the banks on lending?
But Obama knows all this. He knows that his steps will delay economic recovery. But he wants these changes, not as means to an end, but as the end itself. And he is determined to get them passed and set in stone while the rubric of “crisis” justifies his doing so.
He is not unlike a leader who takes his country into war, knowing that by “wagging the dog” he can reinforce his power.
But ultimately, does Obama care if he is reelected? Doesn’t he know that he needs a good economy to extend his mandate to eight years? Yes, of course he does. But he probably figures that he can turn the economy around as Election Day 2012 draws nearer and reap all the credit then. In the meantime, no good crisis should ever go to waste.
IT IS GOING TO BE A MIRACLE IF THE COUNTRY SURVIVES THIS GUY.

Technorati Tags: American, Isn't, Obama, President, Probably, Proof, That, This, Very, Worst

on the internet this guy made this poem. what doesit mean ?? its pretty long but her eit is. plz answer… im curious ; )
ever since i was 8
My world was turned into hate
I still loved her with all my heart
but this life was just the start
i cryed and hurt for hours and more
and watch my mother on the floor
I think shes dead I cannot speak
i hear her breath im with relief
I yell her name
she is not there
she doesn’t love me
she doesn’t care
with other strangers in our home
i’m up all night i am alone
6 am my mother wakes
seeing my trembling,tired face
She tucks me in with love and care
she crys a bit and then a glare
of abused, puffy, sorry eyes
at 2 pm im arise
I see my mom yelling at him
in the evening with his drunken grin
he says hes sorry she says get out
but he’ll be back without a doubt
we move away to a busy place
with the gangsters hiding their face
mom goes out and police arrive
she got bet up , out just alive
A friendly man up the street
out he moved and then we meet
she lets him in, he stays and stays
MY damage continues adding different ways
He says he hears things that i cannot
He says it while his eyes bloodshot
He drinks everynight then talks to god
then i cry and pet the dog
I talked to the dog, he was all i had
he gave me attention, and made me mad
i’d run for him after his pain
Just like mom, i hurt for game
He hated me , then loved me
Like how i was with mom
then finally did i realize
what i did to him was wrong
My “dad” was in the snow
he was asleep he’d never know
How i saved him from dying
But still I kept crying
In the day and in the night
i was always in a fright
finally she figured that
he cheated her and hes a rat
On and off he came and went
then after the years off he sent
to the place where he belongs
mom still prays he does no wrongs
And here i am still stuck in hell
In a depression I’m still unwell
She is lonely she doesn’t believe
Maybe one day she’ll be stress free
But until then I have to wait
I’ll be stong, it is my fate
I love my mom, though she is weak
I’ll get us through all this heat

Technorati Tags: Dont, Means, Poem, This, What

my hubby is concerned that if i sleep on my right side that something bad will happen to our baby. I have a long body pillow that I use and every single night I sleep on my left side all night. But now I have a problem. The problem is between my thigh and hip bone the muscle there hurts. I get up in the middle of the night some nights just to stretch my muscle for some relief. This does not help much. My regular doctor is the one who told me to lay on my left side when I went to her to take a preggo test. At that time I was 7 weeks. Now my OB never mentioned to me to sleep on my left side.
But what my hubby is trying to say is that something harmful will happen to our baby if I dont sleep on my left side. We have 2 other kids and nothing has happend to neither one of them. I slept on my back and both sides throughout my pregnancy with both of them and they are fine. I talked to a on call doctor earlier today and he said that was ok if I switched positions. I told my hubby that the doctor said it was ok to do this. He arguing with me talking about that if something happens to the baby he is holding me responsible and we’re getting a divorce (because I want to change positions and sleep between my left and right side). It’s already hard being preggo and then for ur hubby to tell u something like that brings on more stress. So how can I get him to see that sleeping on either side of my body will not harm the baby in any way? Mind u he was drinking when he said that and watching the Michigan game. I can ask him again what he said when he sobbers up. I told him that he can go to the doctor with me when I go in 2 weeks to ask the doctor himself. He doesn’t want to go. So how else can I convince him that I can sleep on my right side and left side without harming our baby? There is nothing wrong with our other 2 kids. No smart answers please. Thank u in advance for ur help.

Technorati Tags: 3........., Baby, Months, Number, Preggo, With

PLEASE HELP ME IF THERE IS ANY WAY POSSIBLE! I AM A SINGLE MOTHER OF 3 BOYS AND I AM ONLY 5 WEEKS AWAY FROM HAVING MY LAST SON. I ONLY HAVE MY CHILDREN AND A FEW CLOSE FRIENDS AND ONE SONS GRANDPARENTS TO RELY ON AT TIMES FOR EMOTIONAL SUPPORT. MY PARENTS PASSED AWAY WHEN I WAS IN MY TWENTIES AND THINGS HAVE FELT ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE AT TIMES WITHOUT THEM. I AM A CERTIFIED NURSES ASSISTANT BY TRADE AND LOVE WHAT I DO EVEN THOUGH IT NEVER PAYS VERY WELL. I HAVE DREAMS OF GOING BACK TO WORK AND SCHOOL AND EVEN BEING A SINGLE MOTHER MAKES IT HARD BUT NOT IMPOSSIBLE. THE ONLY THING IN MY LIFE THAT I HAVE FOUND TO BE IMPOSSIBLE TO OVER COME IS MY TMJS THAT I HAVE BEEN SUFFERING WITH NOW SINCE AROUND 1999. THROUGH THE YEARS IT HAS BECOME WORSE AND NOW I AM ON VACODIN WHILE I AM PREGNANT BECAUSE THE PAIN IS CONSTANT AND ON A DAILY BASIS. I HAVE TROUBLE EATING AND LOOSE WEIGHT TERRIBLY FAST WHEN I’M NOT PREGNANT. I CRY OFTEN FROM THE PAIN AND THE DEPRESSION THAT COMES FROM IT. I TAKE PROZAC BUT WHEN I HAVE TO MISS SCHOOL EVENTS FOR MY BOYS OR EVEN A SIMPLE BOARD GAME BECAUSE I AM SICK EVEN THE PROZAC DOESN’T REALLY HELP MUCH. MY OLDEST SON IS 15 NOW AND HAS HELPED TAKE CARE OF ME AT TIMES WHEN HE COULD HAVE SPENT THE NIGHT WITH A FRIEND AND JUST BEEN A TYPICAL KID. INSTEAD HE MAKES SURE I’M NOT ALWAYS ALONE WHEN I HURT AND HELPS WITH HIS BROTHERS AND HE NEVER COMPLAINS. I FEEL PROUD AND GUILTY AT THE SAME TIME. MY BOYS AND I NEED A NORMAL LIFE AWAY FROM THIS ILLNESS BUT I AM AFRAID IF II DON’T FIND HELP SOON I WILL BE FORCED TO SEND THEM TO FAMILY MEMBERS TO CARE FOR THEM AND I JUST CAN NOT IMAGINE BREAKING UP OUR HOME AND HAVING TO SPLIT THEM UP EVEN IF IT’S FOR A LITTLE WHILE. I AM A GOOD MOTHER AND A GOOD PERSON. I DON’T PARTY, DO DRUGS AND I AM ALWAYS THERE FOR ANYONE ELSE IN NEED BUT NOW I AM JUST IN FAR TO MUCH PAIN TO EVEN FUNCTION HALF THE TIME. MY BOYS ARE 15 AND 9 YEARS OLD AND MY BABY BOY IS 18 MONTHS. BY THE GRACE OF GOD I DO GET CHILD SUPPORT FOR THEM AND WE ARE ABLE TO MAKE ENDS MEET ENOUGH TO SURVIVE WITH THE HELP OF FOOD STAMPS AND LIVING IN A SECTION 8 APARTMENT IN NOT A SO GREAT PART OF TOWN. I TRY TO STAY POSITIVE AND BELIEVE THAT THERE IS HELP OUT THERE TO CURE MY PAIN SO THAT I CAN WORK STEADY AS I ONCE DID BEFORE AND WE CAN MOVE BACK OUT OF THE PROJECTS AND AWAY FROM THE VIOLENCE AND DRUG SCENE BEFORE MY CHILDREN EVER HAVE A CHANCE TO FALL PREY TO IT. I KEEP THEM INDOORS AT ALL TIMES AND THEY NEVER GET TO GO OUT SIDE UNLESS WE GO TO A FRIENDS HOUSE OR THEY ARE AT SCHOOL. I FEEL IT IS A SAD WAY TO LIVE JUST BECAUSE I AM SO SICK AND IN SO MUCH PAIN AND I CAN NOT HOLD DOWN A STEADY JOB RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I NEVER KNOW WHEN THE PAIN WILL COME OR GO. IN 2004 I BEGAN HAVING SEVERE TROUBLE WITH MY BACK TEETH TO THE POINT WHERE I KEPT ABSCESSES AND STAYED VIOLENTLY ILL 24/7 FOR ALMOST 10 MONTHS. I COULD TASTE THE INFECTION FROM MY BROKEN DOWN TEETH AND THREW UP OFTEN. MY JAW WOULD SWELL BECAUSE OF THE INFECTION THAT WAS ACTUALLY GOING DOWN INTO MY JAW BONE. MY TMJS WAS UNBEARABLE AND EVEN THOUGH I AM ASHAMED TO ADMIT IT I OFTEN HAD BAD THOUGHTS OF JUST ENDING MY LIFE BUT OF COURSE COULD NOT BECAUSE OF MY LOVE AND HOPE FOR MY BOYS. I SPENT MY ELECTRIC BILL MONEY ONE MONTH WHEN MY JAW HAD SWELLED TO THE POINT THAT I COULD NOT OPEN MY MOUTH JUST TO GO TO A DENTIST IN MY HOME TOWN FOR HIM TO TELL ME I HAD A INFECTION AND THAT 6 OF MY BACK TEETH WOULD HAVE TO BE SURGICALLY REMOVED BECAUSE THEY WERE SO SEVERELY BROKEN DOWN FROM THE YEARS OF GRINDING AND CLINCHING IN MY SLEEP. HE PRESCRIBED ME ANTIBODICS AND TOLD ME TO SEE AN ORAL SURGEON A.S.A.P. IN 2005 I FOUND AN ORAL SURGEON AND TOLD HIM ABOUT MY PROBLEMS. IT COST ME OVER $400. FOR HIM TO ACTUALLY DIAGNOSE ME WITH TMJ SYNDROME SINCE THE ONLY REAL DIAGNOSIS I ACTUALLY HAD AT THE TIME WAS FROM EMERGENCY ROOM PHYSICIANS SINCE I COULD NOT AFFORD A DENTIST. AT LEAST EMERGENCY ROOMS HAVE TO SEE YOU AND CAN’T TURN YOU DOWN BUT EVERY BILL HAS WENT ON MY CREDIT. WHAT IS WORSE THAN THAT IS BEING LOOKED AT LIKE A JUNKIE OFF THE STREET JUST WANTING PAIN KILLERS AND KNOWING I AM JUST THE OPPOSITE BECAUSE OF NURSES THAT JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND THE AGONY AND THE FEELING OF AN ICE PICK GOING THROUGH MY EAR! I HAD WENT TO THE ER SEVERAL X IN THE PAST FOR TERRIBLE EAR ACHES AND WAS TOLD THERE WAS NOTHING WRONG UNTIL I FINALLY GOT AN ER DR. THAT ASKED ME IF I HAD EVER HEARD OF TMJ AND EXPLAINED TO ME WHAT IT WAS AND GAVE ME A PRESCRIPTION FOR PAIN AT LEAST FOR A MONTH.
ANYWAYS, DR.HARRELL TOOK PANORAMIC X-RAYS THAT SHOWED ALL MY PROBLEMS.
I HAVE DECAY ALL OVER MY TEETH AND MY JAW BONE ON EACH SIDE IS FLAT BONE TO BONE AND THERE IS NOTHING THERE TO PROTECT IT WHEN I MOVE MY MOUTH. HE SAID I WAS ONE OF HIS WORSE CASES TO EVER DIAGNOSE AND TO BE SO YOUNG.
HE THEN SAID I NEEDED TREATMENTS THAT WOULD RUN ABOUT $4,5OO. TO 5 THOUSAND JUST DEPENDING. I ALSO NEEDED TO BE FITTED FOR A MOUTH GUARD FOR WHEN I SLEEP BUT THAT WOULD RUN ANYWHERE FROM 4 TO $500. OF COURSE HE NEEDED ALL MONEY UP FRONT AND I HAD NOTHING TO EVEN START WITH. I BEGGED HIM FOR A PAYMENT PLAN OF ANY KIND EVEN IF I HAD TO MOVE IN WITH FRIENDS INSTEAD OF LIVING ON MY OWN AND RENTING BUT HE JUST SAID SORRY, COME BACK WHEN I CAN AFFORD THE TREATMENTS.
I THEN FOUND OUT ABOUT UTMB HOSPITAL IN GALVESTON HAVING A PROGRAM TO EXTRACT TEETH ON A FINICAL SLIDING SCALE PROGRAM. MY FIRST VISIT WAS $68. OO FOR EXAM AND X-RAYS AND MORE ANTIBODICS. I QUALIFIED AND CAME BACK FOR MY ORAL SURGERY. I STILL HAD TO PAY $250. TO JUST BE PUT UNDER BECAUSE THEY SAID THEY WOULD HAVE TO ACTUALLY GO DEEP INTO MY BACK GUMS TO GET SMALL PIECES THAT WERE SPLIT AND I COULD NOT JUST HAVE A LOCAL. IN ALL I PAID $530. FOR THE EXTRACTIONS AND GOING UNDER FOR THE SURGERY. ALSO WAS BILLED $35. LATER FOR THE DENTIST FEE THAT I WAS NEVER TOLD ABOUT BUT I DID NOT CARE! THE PAINFUL TEETH WERE OUT! THE STITCHED HURT VERY BAD BUT DID NOT EVEN COMPARE TO THE HORRIBLE TOOTH ACHE PAIN. THIS ACTUALLY HELPED RELIEVE SOME OF MY TMJ PAIN AS WELL FOR A WHILE BUT A FEW MONTHS LATER I STARTED TO NOTICE IT BEGAN TO GET WORSE AGAIN. BUT AT LEAST FOR A FEW MONTHS I THOUGHT I ACTUALLY HAD A NORMAL LIFE. I STARTED A NEW CNA JOB AND STARTED DOING THINGS AGAIN WITH MY KIDS AND FRIENDS. I WENT ON AND STRUGGLED THROUGH WITH GOOD DAYS AND SOME BAD UP UNTIL NOW DURING THESE LAST FEW MONTHS THE PAIN IS CONSTANT AND CHRONIC. I STAY AT HOME UNLESS I HAVE TO LEAVE MY HOUSE BECAUSE OF RESPONSIBILITY’S FOR MY FAMILY BUT AT TIMES I ALSO HAVE TO RESCHEDULE APPOINTMENTS BECAUSE I AM NOT ABLE TO EVEN DRIVE FROM NOT SLEEPING FOR 2 DAYS AT A TIME OR THE DEBILITATING PAIN. I MANAGE TO CARE FOR MY BOYS AND EVEN THE BABY BUT I HAVE HAD TO CALL HIS GOD MOTHER MANY TIMES TO COME GET HIM FOR A DAY OR NIGHT. I WONDER AT TIMES WHAT I AM TO DO FOR WHEN THIS BABY COMES IN A FEW WEEKS AND EVEN FEAR ABOUT HIS HEALTH BECAUSE OF THE STRESS AND PAIN LEVEL THAT I HAVE TO ENDURE AND NOW FOR THE LAST MONTH TAKING VACODIN IN WHICH MY O.B SAYS HE RATHER ME NOT HAVE TO TAKE BUT IF I DON’T I START HAVING CONTRACTIONS BECAUSE OF THE PAIN AND EVERYTHING JUST GOES DOWN HILL FROM THERE UNLESS I HAVE SOME FORM OF PAIN RELIEF. I AM DAMNED IF I DO AND DAMNED IF I DON’T. LIFE FEELS IMPOSSIBLE AT THIS POINT. I PREY OFTEN, CRY EVERYDAY AND SO FAR I HAVE STILL FOUND A LITTLE STRENGTH TO WRITE YOU AND OTHERS MY LIFE STORY IN HOPES THAT ONE DAY BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE I WILL FIND THE HELP I NEED FOR ALL MY DENTAL AND TMJ PROBLEMS SO THAT I CAN HELP MY BOYS TO GROW UP AND HAVE NORMAL SUCCESSFUL LIVES AS WELL. PLEASE!!! AT THE LEAST IF YOU CAN NOT HELP ME THEN PLEASE AT LEAST LET ME KNOW. I AM DESPERATELY WAITING TO HEAR FROM SOMEONE…ANYONE! THANK YOU FOR TAKING THE TIME TO READ THIS. I KNOW IT IS VERY LONG BUT I NEED SOMEONE TO HEAR MY CRY FOR HELP. IF YOU CAN NOT HELP PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COPY THIS AND MAIL IT TO SOMEONE YOU MAY KNOW THAT MAY BE ABLE TO HELP ME AND MY BOY’S. MY WORST FEAR IS LOOSING THEM AND WHAT I HAVE WORKED SO HARD TO HOLD ON TO BECAUSE OF MY PAIN AND SICKNESS. I AM ONLY 35 YEARS OLD AND I HOPE ONE DAY TO HAVE A LONG HEALTHY LIFE AHEAD OF ME.
SINCERELY, LAURA BREAUX
MY EMAIL ADDRESS IS….
mylalababy@yahoo.com

Technorati Tags: Hope, Syndrom, There

Let me know what you think, comment , rate, etc…
My lyrical vision is what i’m literally showing,
My clinical addiction to sinning is overflowing,
I can’t control it, its physically glowing whenever I’m flowing,
I am addicted to women and booze,
Inflicted with either or both you choose,
I feel like I’m trapped in a game that I always lose,
Like Jumanji, am I losing control,
Like a car when it flips and rolls,
I’m Slipping on the edge and falling in,
Coming out dripping wet not remembering a thing,
The waves are rising and I think I’m capsizing,
Like Jigga with Roca-fella I’m enterprising,
always rising like the sun straight to number one,
But when i start to dry off and have fun,
I fall back and in I’m back to square one,
Someone set off a flair son, SOS I think I need some.
(Chorus)
SOS,I’m Falling, I’m falling deep, too much stress,
I’m screaming and clawing but no one hears a peep,
Its like I’m wide awake while your fast asleep,
Dulce Et Decorem Est?, all I want is SOS.
I’ll place a bet,
that tonigh I wake in a cold sweat,
Haunted by demons I’m cold I’m screaming,
down my face the tears are streaming,
I hear a blast from the past and the call of death,
I’m smashing like a vase and theres no glue left,
I keep seeing him take his last breath,
I keep fleeing but can’t escape the stress,
Bombs can’t be with stood by a bulletproof vest,
I’m easily set off when my buttons are pressed,
I can’t sleep at night its too bright I can’t rest,
I saw the light and now its keeping me compressed,
like a weight resting down on my chest,
was this fate i don’t know i must confess,
When will I find relief and have peace,
that can end all this and let out whats underneath,
reveal it like a sheath I try to talk but I can’t speak,
The last week is not unique its been like ever since,
That night in the heat we needed help but never got some,
SOS I think I need some
(Chorus)
SOS,I’m Falling, I’m falling deep, too much stress,
I’m screaming and clawing but no one hears a peep,
Its like I’m wide awake while your fast asleep,
Dulce Et Decorem Est?, all I want is SOS.
I had the dream again last night so vivid,
I was so livid when reminded about what they did,
he was my friend since I was a kid,
we wanted to see what adventure would bring,
so we joined up 18 years old didn’t know anything,
About two months in out on patrol working,
Guns at hips walking, streets bustling and people talking,
But we didn’t know what was stalking,
didn’t know someone had been planting,
schemes and bombs kill dreams and teens,
last thing I remember was waking up in blood streams,
he died there in the mud and waste it seems,
Dulce Et Decorem Est I heard from someone,
I don’t agree but SOS I need some,
(Chorus)
SOS,I’m Falling, I’m falling deep, too much stress,
I’m screaming and clawing but no one hears a peep,
Its like I’m wide awake while your fast asleep,
Dulce Et Decorem Est? all I want is SOS.

Technorati Tags: "sos, Called, Concept, Decorem, dulce, Est", Rate, Song, This

About a year ago I had a girlfriend who’s had a very bad life.
I know it’s stupid but I tried to help her and make her feel better by making out I had all these problems, to make her fit in and have a friend she could talk to.
I guess I really though I had these problems, and started cutting.
I don’t now, for ages.
Anyway, we broke up. She started going out with her best friend.(I knew she was bi, it didn’t bother me at all, but while we was going out she told me she loved her. So that kinda made me feel bad)
I’ve been feeling really worthless for the past couple months.
I feel worthless, along with all the stress of school.
Every single teacher thinks that their subject is the most important and it annoys me that they give us so so much work to do all at the same time that it is seriously impossible to do it all.
I dred waking up in the morning, everytime I think about school I get butterflies.
I should be doing homework right now, in the summer holidays, but they give us so much that I had to worry about it while I was on holiday.
I don’t care about anyone anymore.
I think about it and I realise that I don’t care if I don’t see anyone I know again.
I wouldn’t give a crap if I just came down with a serious illness.
Latley I’ve just felt like I don’t need school and I don’t want school. I’m much smarter than both my parents.
I much happier alone.
I don’t care about my friends or school at all.
I feel tired all the time, even though I find it fine sleeping.
I can never get comfertable, no matter how hard I try.
Things that I used to love doing, like drawing and playing games, I just find stupid, pointless and annoying.
I just feel like I have nothing and no one to live for and if I just had someone to talk to, someone who cares about me as much as I care about everything, I’de feel better.
But I always here people bitching about me giving me dirty looks etc.
I don’t see the point in living anymore. The world isn’t big enough, I feel trapped.
I don’t see the point in my “future” because technically, none of us have a future, we all die in the end, so why take anything serious?
I want to go back to self harm because even the thought of making one little cut makes me feel relief.
I feel like I really want to … die.
I not feeling sorry for myself, I couldn’t care less if I spend life alone.
But I really want to go.
Wondering around the world as a ghost forever is my best hope.

Technorati Tags: Depressed, Feel, For., Have, Like, Live, Nothing

I worked as a personal assistant for a guy who had a business that was a multinational company. He was an absolute mental case, megalomaniac, dictatorial mongrel. He played mind games all the time. I even reached the point I would rather have run the car into a tree than go to work. The final straw was that he couldn’t download his email whilst in India (he travelled the world). Apparently it was my fault that torrential rains had cut phone lines and knocked out communications in that part of India. He finally rang me and went ballistic at me. I hung up, picked up my bag, went to the office manager and said “I am leaving”, turned around and walked out and never went back. The relief was incredible. Talk about bullying and harrassment in the workplace, this guy was king. Oh and he didn’t need a PA he needed a nanny.
I thought it was me and not coping with the stress but it turns out he had had 5 PA’s in 12 months before me. I now work for an internationally known professor looking after him and have been for 3 years. I love it and he is such a delight to work for. He also travels the world and has very high expectations of me…I meet these with ease and he lets me know this but equally he would let me know if I didn’t.
So what is your worst ever job?

Technorati Tags: Ever, Was/is, What, Worst, Your

I’ve had chronic back pain since I was 17. The first thing that happened to me was I fell on the ice play broomball and dislocated my right shoulder, My Dr. at the time didn’t see any reason for PT or anything. Since that injury, I’ve had a lot of really hard spots that hurt badly on my right upper back. There is one spot in particuoar that feels so bad, all the time, like its going to burst open. It feels like an old, dry rubber band stretched to its max capacity and its going to pop, Its a combo of burning/tinlging, sharp pain and ache. It also became really easy for me to injure and reinjure my beck and upper back.
Recent problems that have been a whole lot worse started around a year and a half ago. I’ve been in 3 car-wrecks in the past two years. The worst of the three was with a semi-truck doing 75 mph on the freeway and then getting thrown off-road into a deep embankment. I really hurt my neck then. For that, I did mainly chiropractic and a little PT.
It got a lot better and the pain came and went up until June. I hit a deer, and everything has been worse than ever before since then. (Even worse than the wreck with the semi! Sounds crazy…)
I have been trying everything I can to get a proper diagnosis, treatment for the actual problem, and symptomatic releif…but I’ve hard a really hard time all the way around.
First doc I went to wouldn’t even take an xray and precribed naproxen and gave me the basic, “You’re young and you’ll heal hast” rundown. Things got progressively worse (there was either a new symptom or a serious increase in how bad symptoms were about every other day.) The second doc I went to took an xray. She said that my neck had the curve missing out of it and thought it was because spasms were causing enough inflammation to pull them apart. She said the xray showed a few “pinch-marks” and that I had a pinched nerve. (Which was what I thought because I was getting a lot of pins and needles and very painful arm and leg. (Sciatica, like when I was pregnant…But I also know that this at least doesn’t sound like it makes sense since amrs being affected by pinched nerves are because of a problem with the cervical spine and sciatica is caused by compression of spinal cord or nerve at the lumbar spine. Anyway, this doc put me in a soft collar, precribed flexeril, naproxen and lorab…she also sent me to a great PT. The PT was very thorough and gentle. I got very minor pain relief, but at least felt like the cause was being worked on, and that maybe I’d start to get better…Then some bad life stuff happened, and I wound up not being able to continue PT or follow-ups with the Dr. So I after the personal crisis time was cooled a little, I continued to try and just push through it for awhile without the pain meds or muscle-relaxants (I heard, anyway, that if you are on long-term meds for pain or muscle relaxants that its neccessary to to breaks from them to do a cleanse from time to time, because the stuff is pretty toxic.) and I unfortunately lost my spot with the PT I liked so much. So I just managed to get through until I got really bad. Then I went to yet another Dr. This time it was a walk-in clinic. The Doc was SUCH a jerk. I walked out of that office VERRRY pissed off, embarrassed and discouraged. He pretty much said that a lot of things like “what I have” are things you just have to get used to and was not at all hesitant to basically suggest that I was being a giant wuss. He went over the notes from the other docs and said something like ,”Oh, 0k so they did an xray…and you asked them too?? And…it looks like….they didn’t find anything?” And I told him again that the other doc said my neck had been pulled straight to where the curve was gone and that I had a pinched never, and that from the xray the doc said she saw, “pinch-marks.” (I had no idea, and still have no idea, what pinch marks are!) He kind of scoffed, chuckling, and basically told me to get over it. At the point where I was when I finally went back in to see a doctor, I had gotten to where dealing with my 2-year-old, washing dishes and fixing my hair had become very difficult, to say the least. The constant burning/tingling pain in the trapezius muscle and that one really sharp part that felt like itg was going to break open had become maddening. My hand was falling asleep all the time. My right arm and leg ached really badly. I was miserable and becoming depressed. I was (and still am) in transition mode from splitting up with my kids’ father, so I was staying with a friend. I was helping with her kids and housework to earn my keep, and the kids’; noise and energy level was starting to drive me insane, and I’m usually all about taking the kids to the park, painting, playing games, etc. I was becoming increasingly depressed and couch-bound. I felt embarrassed because I wanted to be a big help around my friend’s house. I was becoming sad because when everyone took off for the river or a hike or something, I had to sit it out because I was hurting too bad. I hadn’t even had time to process how I felt about getting out of a 5-year relationship, because all my focus, no matter how determined I was not to let it happen, was on how bad I felt. And it just got worse every day. So I was really pissed and discouraged (and even a little scared…how was I going to fix this or at least manage it if I couldn’t make a doctor understand how badly it was impacting my life??? I’m a full-time student and single mom…School’s about to start, and I’m also going to need to work part-time to make ends meet.) I walked out of that office with a new Rx for PT (which he was relcuctant to give me. He also said he’d find a regular Dr. for me to manage this problem so that I don’t have several different people trying to figure it out at once. I went to the PT he suggested. Neck traction makes me feel like I’m dying, so I have asked her not to do that anymore, but I did find that the ultrasound therapy helped the trapezius pain a little. I’ve been seeing this PT for a few weeks now.
Then I went to the internal md the guy referred me to. I went in with high hopes of someone who’s get it, research it, and fix me up. I came out disappointed again. He did all the strength test on me (which they always do, and which I hav no problems with except that the reflex on my right knee is just a little slow.) He jabbed around at the trapezius stuff and called it “trigger points.” He scheduled an MRI for a few weeks out (which is this friday, now) for my cervical and throacic spine. I was disappointed because #1 he seemed to think I was exaggerating how much pain I’ve been in. and because #2 he also gave me the run-down on the fact that I am young and that I shoud heal well, and that I should be able to take the pain better than someone older. (This always perplexes me. Is there some evidence to support that the same impulses the brain percieves as pain is more rolerated by someone in the late 20s than someone in their 40s? I also wish I had the courage to argue with Dr.s and tell them that in the mid to late 20s, its really common for people to be working more physically demanding jobs, and for us to have small children who require their parents to supervise them constantly, which boils down to us being at least in a slow-jog for most of the day. We also don’t have the capability to just lie down and take a nap when we don’t feel well. It wouldn’t work to tell my 2-year-old, “Ok honey, mom’s back really hurts so I’m going to nap. So don’t learn how to open the front door today and go get hit by a car outside. Please don’t find anything bite-sized that could be choked on in the componets of the vacuum, phone or remote. Please don’t pull the tv on top of yourself or drown in the toilet. Please don’t decide I didn’t get to your post-nap diaper promptly enough and take it off, causing a horrid mess. Please just keep yourself entertained and don’t have a separation-anxiety meltdown…because mom needs to rest, ok?” LOL
By the time I had gone into his office, I had gotten even worse. My uncle came to town and I was supposed to get to meet him and my mom for lunch, since I hadn’t seen him in alost 5 years….I had to blow it off. My friend took my daughter fishing and I didn’t get to see her catch her very first fish I was not only putting off harder, crappier things to do, now I’ve been missing out on fun, too. I am down to 108 pounds, and I’m 5′4 (118-124 is normal for me…I do tend to lose some when I am under stress, but not uaually quite so dramatically.) The doc told me that pain meds wouldn’t help anything unless I needed sleep at night, but that I could have them if I wanted. He left the room to schedule my mri, but never came back. His nurse was the one who gave me my time for the mri and a prescription for a sedative for the mri (which I thought was sort of wierd.) So when I got home I called and said I never got my pain meds. They said I had to go back to get the paper copy…that they don’t call things to pharmacies. So I did, and the prescription was for ultram. I’ve taken ultram twice in my life. For about the first few hours, it works fairly well on the pain, but then soon after, I slowly develop a blindingly bad headahce. I’m talking “please just kill me quickly” sort of headache. Then the next day I wake up and the hdeache is even worse, and I vomit all day long. I told the nurse this who was trying to get me to sign something saying I picked the ’script up. She got all annoyed and said, “Well I can tell your right now that he probably won’t give you a narcotic.” I told her that the lortabs were the only thing that worked, but that they didn’t help all that much, so I’d be totally willing to try something else. So they gave me lyrica. I gave it a good, solid test-run where I put as much faith into it as I could. It didn’t do anything at all for any of the pain. Not even the parasthesia I’d hoped it would help somewhat. And it also made me really dizzy…To the point it was like I was drunk (not mentally or anything…just in the dizzy sense. My thoughts were clear and everything…I just couldn’t keep my balance. I called in the following mondahy to let them know it wasn’t working and I needed to give something else a try. They never called back. So I tied Tuesday,and no call back. I was just leaving voicemails for the RN at the office, since this is your only option. I’ve tried several times to call and say that I am absoltely full-on miserable and need to do SOMETHING to help the pain. I even suggested maybe we try nerve block or TENS or corisone shots…still no one will call me back. So, unfortunately I had to go into a walkin clinic. Its one of those ones where you have to pay likde 45 bucks cash…no insurance excepted. My friend who broke her tailbone said that’s where she went for pain meds. She said its never a problem. And it wasn’t for me either. I got a steriod (yet to do anything) a muscle relaxer (knocks me out, but doesn’t relieve my pain) and lortabs, which only relieve my pain a very little bit. I have a feeling that my new primary dr. will not be very happy about it, but it got to the point where it was completely unbearable. I had to do something and the jerks wouldn’t call me back…
Where I’m at now is: pain in arm and leg get worse all the time, but is currently a little better controlled with the lortab. My lower beck/upper back and that one real bad spot in trapezius are in constant pain, and just barely have the edge taken off my the pain meds. I feel grouchy and sort of irritable when I take the lortabs. I know they are addictive and are a drug of abuse for a lot of people, but I can honestly say that I don’t enjoy the narcotic feeling. I must have a different body chemistry or something, because I don’t feel euphoric like a lot of people do when they take pain-pills. Sometimes I do think that the narcotic feeling confuses me enough to distract me from the pain that it actually directly helps the pain…but I don’t find the pills to be fun to take. I feel like I am a less kind and warm mom when I take them. If there was anything that actually worked that wasn’t narcotic, I’d waaaay rather take that. But for the time being, its the only drug that helps the pain at all…and even then only a little. So I feel almost as though I need them to function, but that I’d much rather try a non-pill realted pain-management method…like the nerve block or the electrode things. I just can’t seem to get across to any doctor that my pain isn’t merely a nuissance…its (at the rist of sounding dramatic) taking over my life. And by their own admission, I’m young. In my opinion, instead of their suggestion that that makes me more able to function with daily pain, I feel that I shouldn’t have my younger years wrecked by being in agony every single waking moment. I shouldn’t wish that it was bed time as soon as I get up every morning. I want to play with my daughter and actually get to make some new friends now that I’m out of a wierd, mentally-abusive relationship. I want to feel excited about all the new potential my life has now that I’m free of b.s. and that I can regain my self-esteem and have fun with life instead of pretty much feeling now that my life sucks. I explained to this last dr (the one whose office won’t return my phone calls, and don’t seem to think I deserve a way to manage my pain, even if its non-drug relateld) that I have a decent pain threshold and a good grasp of the pain scale. I gave examples of frames of reference. A 10 on the pain scale in childbirth or the gas chamber from when i was in the army. A 9 is like an abscessed tooth. An 8 is like a broken bone. A 7 is like a really bad diney infection….and so on down the line. And I told him that if the pain isn’t aggitated by something else. Its at a constant 7.5. If I try and do some dishes or have to move really abruptly to keep my kid from doing something that will hurt her or destroy something, it sill go to an 8.5. If I am in a chair too long to type or write, or sometimes when I am trying to fall asleep because the sciatica acts up even worse, it’ll jump to a 9.
I’m really, really sorry this had to be so long…I just wanted to give nough background. That way a medical pro on here he or she might have some idea with what is wrong. They may have some pointers in getting the dr. to understand that I am not exaggerating and that I need to have my back fixed and in the meantime I need to somehow manage the pain so I don’t have to wish i was unconsious every waking second. I would like to be referred to the spine and pan center. They have a team of people who work together who figure out a diagnosis, help psychologically in dealing with chronic pain, and mostly they try every measure there is out there to get your pain under control. They do pt, alternative stuff like massage and acupuncture, all the different neurological tools that I don’t understand uet, and (what sound most promising to me) anesthesia. They only problem is that my primary dr. really does seem to thik that I am exaggerating either because I am depressed, because I want narcotics (which I DO for the short-term, but he won’t let me have them anyway and I’m still going
to see him) or that I want attention. Anway…I need advice as to how i can go about managing my pain to the point of being functional…Bcause my MRI is friday….and I really think that they’ll find herniated disc/s and I am thiking my respnse from my dr. will go something like, “Well…good thing youre only 27…ten years from now iy might REALLY be giving you trouble

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I’ve been married for 5 years now and throughout the years our routine of fighting has become this-if I don’t look the right way or speak with the right tone of voice he demands to know what is wrong with me-even if there’s nothing to it more than I’m just tired, or sometimes sick, or a little sad (I lost my mother and she was the only family I had besides my 2 girls, so I’m not coping with that very well at times). Once he actually yelled at me when I was getting dinner out of the oven, the heat rushed out and I made a face. He was ready with “What was that face for?” and all heck broke out. He has picked and picked on me so much that if we start fighting that I automatically tell him I’m sorry and he’s right and then when he realized it he yells at me for “patronizing” him. I call it trying to survive. I cry and cry about it and 3 weeks ago we had an argument so intense that I took a hairbrush and busted my own head with it just to get his attention. He promised me that those fights are over and he hasn’t attacked me in that way since, but I still literally shake in fear of them every day. I hurt all over all the time from the stress and I swear I feel like he’s taking years off my life with all of his games. I never start anything with him, I hate fighting so much. I’d be better off dead than fighting with anyone anymore. I just don’t have it in me. I didn’t have it in me to start with. I know I am a good woman. I am trying to get a degree and my kids are my life. I wish I could say my husband was a big part of that, but I swear if a cop knocked on my door right now and gave me bad news, I think if I cried it would be relief tears. He tells me I’d never make it without him and if I did want to leave him it’s ok, but he’d still want to be roommates, that there’s no sense living in separate households. Mind you all this while, he’s telling me that he’s my slave I should be thankful to have him and all he does for me. I don’t ask him for anything!!! I tell him to go and do whatever he wants!! I work and buy everything I need for me and my girls! He does nothing for us! And he’s telling me I can’t make it without him! He tells me I’m mental, I’m the one who’s crazy and if he is guilty of anything it’s of loving me too much.
Now, there is way more than this obviously, but I need a new view on this. Mainly because I know I have to leave him to get my own head back on straight and get peace in mine and my girls lives. What is the magic word or phrase that will make him understand what he’s done to me and that all I need from him is to let us go in peace.

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To those in Washington making decisions for a “Better America”:
You want to know why a lot of us 30 and under don’t spend more than 5 minutes a month on the presidential elections? That’s about how much time we get from those elected. When is it going to be our turn? When will we have a voice in our lives? I am really sick of old white men determining the way my life should go. IT IS TIME, for you to give up the complete control of the reigns and share them with the next generation. We are not living in the 40’s or 50’s. What is deemed immoral by those standards does not hold today. How dare any of our “elected officials” determine whether or not a gay couple should have the same rights as a heterosexual couple? Almost every other civilized nation has realized that gay men and women are just as “normal” as the rest of us. How dare they determine who we can and cannot love? Isn’t this a free country? How can they determine agriculture or environmental issues, when they aren’t going to be around to witness the atrocious hardships based on their decisions? It seems to me, many of those in offices have been there for a while and nothing, but nothing, has gone right for some time. You blame us. You blame our hip hop culture. You blame our Rock culture. Hell you even blame video games. Stop putting the blame on others and start embracing it. You are so focused with the way you feel this country should be run, or what you feel is in our best interest without even asking. I am white, 26 years old from KY, but I grew up with many different races and cultures (Unlike my parents, aunts and uncles). I have a more open mind for people’s religion, beliefs and way of life. I think it is unfortunate that when many of you were in school, you were surrounded by the same people you are today sitting in office. Leave your entourage, media cameras and even your close friends behind and go to a soup kitchen. Don’t do it for media, do it to get to know those that have it the hardest. Visit the schools that are in your constituencies; get to know some youth. I know the people with the money greatly influence decisions, but there are so many SO VERY MANY of us that don’t have that money, and we need our voices heard.
Are you sick of kids shooting up schools? We are. WE are very sick of seeing our fellow brothers and sisters taking their aggression out this way. It’s not surprising. It’s frustration. You say blame video games, maybe the only real release for some kids whose single mother has to work 2 jobs and they are forced to entertain themselves. You say blame music, the same outlet that lets a little girl let loose in her shared bedroom without being able to go outside for fear of being shot. Many of you privileged parents say blame them. Blame the parents for not raising their kids. That’s hard to do when you are working 3 jobs just so you can afford to put clothes on your kids’ backs and food in their stomachs. The stress of having to live in this society is felt to the smallest of children. I constantly, as a child, saw my mom cry at the dinner table with bills in front of her. She never could seem to get ahead. 20 years later, my mom is still crying at that table.
I don’t have a solution to all of the problems, but collectively we will come up with it. Each and every generation can work together to preserve those morals we need to preserve, and maybe, just maybe let go of those we need to let go of (I.E. Racism, Poverty…). I call these morals because somewhere stuck in your head, they will always be here. BTW Mr. President, I loved it when you were on the campaign trail and talking about how “children are our future” (As if we never heard that before). So speaking for my cousin, one of those children you took healthcare from, Thank you. I certainly hope she doesn’t have an illness my aunt and uncle will have to pay forever for. BTW, since we are speaking about America and what it needs. $275 million a day on a war is excessive. Do you think maybe, just maybe we can use some of that money for Katrina Relief? Just one day’s spending. Call a cease fire, for one day, and give that $275 million to the Americans that are fighting for the faith they have in this government (i.e. New Orleans).
I think President Bush is planning on going out with a bang. Currently, we seem to be angering many of the larger empires (I.E. China, Turkey, Iran…etc…) and of course he’s ready to take a stance on Environmental Issues. He has one year left and has made a lot of money from Afghanistan and Iraq’s oil. I look at my mom, blindly following what she is told, maybe not educated enough to see what’s happening, but faithful non-the-less. Mr. President, Congressional Leaders, the young blood of America is not that blind. We see you for what you are and what you are doing. We had computers in grade school, not 20 years into our careers. We are connected, with friendships, to many different cultures, different people from all over the world. What you share with us is not necessarily what is happening. We know the truth.
Do us a favor. Bring us to the table. As it stands, it’s going to be these friendships from myspace, youtube and facebook that may ultimately bring peace to the world. Men in mynammar are posting blogs for support. Youth everywhere taking cameras to show what “protection from police” really means. I don’t like the fact that we will have to spend so long to fix what you have taken such a short time to screw up. One FULL generation of living and corruption by remaining in complete power is a form of dictatorship, no matter how you look at it.

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